The Killer Vacuum Cleaner
by palomino333
Summary: When Alessa tries to get her, Cheryl, and Memory of Alessa out of their chores, chaos insues.


"Dad, you said you were going to take us to the amusement park!" Cheryl and Alessa whined to their father, Harry Mason.

"Yeah, come on, Dad, I'm tired of having to baby-sit these two while Heather dates Vincent every stinking night!" Memory of Alessa complained.

"Get your chores done first," he replied in half-hearted tone as he turned a page in the rather thick book he was currently reading.

"But Dad, we did everything!"

"Did you vacuum?"

"No. It scares me because it's loud!" Cheryl whined.

"Look, vacuum and we'll go, leaving your sister for some peace and quiet. It's not like it'll eat you."

"Yes, Dad," they mumbled, shuffling away in defeat.

"Memory, can you do it for us?" Cheryl asked.

"And get dirty? No way!"

"You're covered in blood!" Alessa replied, putting her hands on her hips.

"Duh! But the dust will mess it up! Just vacuum already!"

"Eew! I don't want to get covered in dust and who-knows-what either! Or, maybe we won't have to," Alessa retorted, her voice becoming sneaky as she telekinetically lifted her notebook to drift into her hands from across the room.

"Dad said not to use that, Alessa!"

"Cheryl, do you want to go to the amusement park?"

"Yes."

"Then let me do this." Alessa carefully drew a sketch of a vacuum exactly like theirs with red eyes, and waved her hand over the sketch. The drawing released a dark spiritual substance that came out of the book, and settled behind them. Shutting it, she turned, ordering, "Clean up this house!" The vacuum roared to life of its own accord, and began to clean. "Come on, let's go to the amusement park!"

XXXXXX

"Whew, peace and quiet at last!" Memory of Alessa exclaimed, flopping down on a couch to read a magazine. The room had fallen silent, and she assumed that the vacuum must have gone to sleep of its own accord. The phone rang, and she picked it up. "Hello? Hey, Pyramid Head! No, I'm not doing anything. Sure, I'll meet you at the restaurant." She hung up the phone, grabbed the house keys, and left.

A mechanical roaring came from underneath the piece of furniture she had been sitting in as the vacuum cleaner rolled out horizontally from where it had been waiting to eat her. It made a loud huffing sound, angry that it let its catch get away. It loved meat, especially the living kind, but dust tasted good, too. It picked up the scent of the dry blood smothering Memory of Alessa's skin through the vent on the bottom where it ate up dust, and roared with delight. Zooming across the floor, it flung out the plug on its back and broke the window. Rolling quickly up the wall, it went through the large crack and screeched down the road. It would eat well tonight.

XXXXXX

"Hello, Memory," Pyramid Head rumbled as she came over to his table in the restaurant. Currently, he was eating an appetizer of human heads. Lifting up his helmet to bite into one, he pushed another over to her. No sooner had she swallowed a juicy chunk of the cranial skin than she began to choke on it. "What?" Pyramid Head clapped her on the back to get rid of the object blocking her airway.

"You didn't tell me Heather and Vincent were here!" Memory yelled, pointing at the table across the room. Heather saw her gesture, and stuck out her tongue. Vincent simply rolled his eyes.

"Sorry. I've been busy keeping an eye on Maria. I just have to get her away from James."

"What, to kill her again?" She gestured to a table in the corner where Maria flipping a strand of her hair over her ear in an attempt to flirt with James, who wasn't paying attention due to the fact his archenemy was watching him.

"No, to—"

"Excuse me, mortals!" Boomed a voice amplified a mic was placed upon a stage on the far side of the room. Everyone turned to see Claudia standing on it. "Tonight is Friday, which means it's Karaoke Night! I'm going to start things off by singing Stakeout!" As she began to sing, or rather say, the bizarre song by Freezepop, everyone's eyes began to twitch, and they also began to squirm, inching their tables and chairs away from the stage.

Pyramid Head picked up his spear. "Time to play darts!" Just as he was about to throw it, a great roaring was heard, and the door banged open as the vacuum cleaner rolled in.

"Uh-oh," Memory of Alessa whispered as it became immediately agitated by Claudia's singing. Not noticing it, she kept going.

"Shouldn't we help her?" Eileen whispered to Henry.

"Nope. I can't stand her," he replied before taking a sip of his rather murky-colored milkshake.

All eyes were on the vacuum cleaner as it rolled right over to Claudia, who had heard it by now, and began to run around the restaurant, screaming. Everyone jumped onto their tables, sending dishes, glasses, candles, and silverware flying, and flipping chairs over in an attempt to avoid vacuum cleaner's teeth. Claudia ran to the door, but the vacuum slid in front of her. She spun, but it grabbed onto her robe, while the monsters clapped their hands and began to yell, "Yay! Go new guy!"

The humans closed their eyes, groaning, "That's just sick and wrong." As soon as it had finished its meal, it rolled around the tables, eating up the various foods that had been dropped.

"Okay, time to unplug it," Pyramid Head muttered as he got off of the table.

"No, it's not—" The vacuum reared and sped after the monster as he touched the cord on its back. He ran back to the table and jumped into Memory of Alessa's arms, nearly knocking them both off. "Plugged in," she muttered, "I thought you weren't scared of anything?"

"Erm, it's eating my spear."

"Oh, joy. My only night on my own, and I spend it listening to bad music and getting cornered by a vacuum cleaner!" She yelled as it began circling the tables again, banging up against them to try to make someone fall off.

"I have an idea," Pyramid Head grabbed a mannequin, who struggled against him, and pointed it at the vacuum, yelling, "Back! Get back y-uh-oh." It yanked the mannequin out of his hand and devoured it.

Memory of Alessa looked around and spotted Angela and Eddie behind them, who were near a window. "Jump out and go get Alessa! She's at the amusement park!" She whispered before raising her voice to order, "Pyramid Head, distract it!"

He nodded, and clambered over an empty table to James and Maria's table, grabbing the vixen by her hair. "Hey, let go of her!" James yelled, latching onto her leg.

The monster slipped a much-soiled envelope out from its blood-stained butcher's smock. "It's from Mary. I'll trade it to you for Maria."

"Okay!" James let go of Maria and snatched the envelope away.

"James, you idiot!" She yelled as she was dragged away. Pyramid Head tossed her to the floor and nodded to Angela and Eddie, who jumped out, landing outside.

"Okay, now let's go very quietly so it doesn't—"

"Alessa! Get your ass back here! I'm scared!" Eddie yelled, running away toward the amusement park. Shaking her head and rolling her eyes, Angela followed him.

XXXXXX

Back inside, James was ignoring the disgusting sight on the floor as he read the letter. He jumped up, yelling, "Ya-hoo!"

"What'd it say?"

"Mary said she's coming back!"

"That's great, but we have to get out of here first!"

"Oh, yeah. Um, can't we just kill it?"

"With what? It ate all of our weapons!"

"Nuh-uh! Eileen, do you have your chain?"

"It got eaten."

"Okay, what about your axe, Henry?"

"Same as hers."

"Heather? Your gun?"

"Ditto."

"Claudia's knife?"

"Eaten."

"What about your stuff, Walter?"

"Gone."

"Memory?"

"Nada."

"Oh crap, my gun's gone! We're doomed, aren't we?" At his down-hearted tone, a panting Alessa burst in, carrying a bottle of water. The vacuum cleaner rolled slowly over to her, purring.

"Oh, don't give me any of that!" She poured the water on top of it, and it short-circuited, fizzling out.

"So, we just needed to drench it?" James asked, getting down.

"It's not rocket science, folks! It's a vacuum cleaner, for crying out loud!" Harry and Cheryl, followed by Angela and Eddie, entered behind her.

"And you are now grounded," Harry told her sternly, folding his arms.

"Aww, but Dad, I saved them, and taught them how to use common sense!"

"You're also giving this a cliché ending. Well, I guess it's not so bad. Come on everybody, let's go to the amusement park!"

"Yay!"

"Alessa, Cheryl, and Memory of Alessa, take that back home first."

"But Daaaaaad…." They whined.

"You've gotta animate it again! I want it to go after Dahlia this time!" With evil grins, the three dragged it with them, thinking of a gross, yet funny fate for the eccentric priestess.


End file.
